HOLY SHIT IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE I POSTED WAAARRGGHHHH.
CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I'm alive.
To the single person reading this post right now, I just wanted to say that I'm still lurking about on the interbutts, I just haven't found the time to do anything worthwhile with this god forsaken blog. I've had some ideas, some I've wanted to try but have been a bit reluctant because some family members read this blog, what I wanted to do was low brow and... yeah. I hate having to do this because I hate censorship, and doing this I see myself effectively censoring myself. I have no clue what to do now, maybe when the time comes, I'll write something so fucking good that it will change the course of history forever, but that's for another time.
So, yeah. See you around.
So, yeah. See you around.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Fine Dining
I am so uninspired... My creative juice seems to have run out after the 30th post or so. But I'll try to write this as best as I can.
Fine dining is like taking a course in Quantum Physics, there are so many things to take into account, so many things to try and make sense of. It's complicated and in extremes, unpractical. I'll be delving into the inner works of fine dining in a minute.
I was inspired to write this when there was this social gathering at our college last night, one of the guests was a woman who trains people to be sophisticated. I couldn't believe how many rules you have to memorize when partaking in the taboo art of fine dining. It's almost like a foreign language.
First problem comes right away when our speaker said that there's even a correct way to sit! It has to be from the right side of the chair against your left thigh. And when you sit, you have to feel the chair in the back of your legs because it's impolite to look back at your chair. THEN when you finally do sit, you have to start from the edge of the chair because it's impolite to sit at the center of the damned chair right away! When you make your way to the center, you can't shimmy in, you have to slide in, and don't forget to point that chest to the sky! She did say something about the right way to pull your chair in but I forgot because I was fucking spacing out! So many things to memorize just to sit! What ever happened to:
a.) Pull chair out of table
b.) Sit on said chair
c.) Pull chair to table
I swear, fine dining will be the death of me!
But alas, you have just sat at the table. Your journey has just begun young Padawan.
After sitting you have to set your napkin, if it is a dinner napkin you have to fold it, don't forget to put the folded side towards your body!
Hmmm, easy enough maybe this won't be so bad.
But then, no! In front of you, you see a plethora of dining apparatuses. Which one do you get? Do you ignore all the small ones and just use the biggest knife and fork for all the courses? Was Uncle Bob's advice of "Bigger is always better" actually correct? NO, you uncultured fool! Each utensil is meant to be used for a specific course, you have your appetizer fork, soup spoon, butter knife, steak knife, salad fork, dessert spoon, gun sword, death ray, and Doomsday Device!
You thought I was kidding about that?
Fine dining is like taking a course in Quantum Physics, there are so many things to take into account, so many things to try and make sense of. It's complicated and in extremes, unpractical. I'll be delving into the inner works of fine dining in a minute.
I was inspired to write this when there was this social gathering at our college last night, one of the guests was a woman who trains people to be sophisticated. I couldn't believe how many rules you have to memorize when partaking in the taboo art of fine dining. It's almost like a foreign language.
First problem comes right away when our speaker said that there's even a correct way to sit! It has to be from the right side of the chair against your left thigh. And when you sit, you have to feel the chair in the back of your legs because it's impolite to look back at your chair. THEN when you finally do sit, you have to start from the edge of the chair because it's impolite to sit at the center of the damned chair right away! When you make your way to the center, you can't shimmy in, you have to slide in, and don't forget to point that chest to the sky! She did say something about the right way to pull your chair in but I forgot because I was fucking spacing out! So many things to memorize just to sit! What ever happened to:
a.) Pull chair out of table
b.) Sit on said chair
c.) Pull chair to table
I swear, fine dining will be the death of me!
But alas, you have just sat at the table. Your journey has just begun young Padawan.
After sitting you have to set your napkin, if it is a dinner napkin you have to fold it, don't forget to put the folded side towards your body!
Hmmm, easy enough maybe this won't be so bad.
But then, no! In front of you, you see a plethora of dining apparatuses. Which one do you get? Do you ignore all the small ones and just use the biggest knife and fork for all the courses? Was Uncle Bob's advice of "Bigger is always better" actually correct? NO, you uncultured fool! Each utensil is meant to be used for a specific course, you have your appetizer fork, soup spoon, butter knife, steak knife, salad fork, dessert spoon, gun sword, death ray, and Doomsday Device!
You thought I was kidding about that?
So many things to choose from, but whatever happened to:
That? Just that? Why do I need to have a degree in etiquette if I just want to eat? Why must you deprive me of a basic need because I can't tell my salad fork from my dinner fork?
While eating you have to choose from two styles of how to hold your utensils, you can choose from either the American or European style. In the American style, you have to eat with your knife in your right hand and your fork at your left, after slicing the food transfer the fork to your right hand and only then will you partake in the consumption of your sustenance for the evening. European style sees the utensils placed in the same hand but there is no need to transfer the fork. The catch, though, is that you have to keep the fork bristles (what do they call those things anyway?) facing down the whole time. Why? Why can't I eat like a normal human being? In the weird world of fine dining, there is no "Normal".
Fine dining sucks, whoever invented it was a total douche.
That? Just that? Why do I need to have a degree in etiquette if I just want to eat? Why must you deprive me of a basic need because I can't tell my salad fork from my dinner fork?While eating you have to choose from two styles of how to hold your utensils, you can choose from either the American or European style. In the American style, you have to eat with your knife in your right hand and your fork at your left, after slicing the food transfer the fork to your right hand and only then will you partake in the consumption of your sustenance for the evening. European style sees the utensils placed in the same hand but there is no need to transfer the fork. The catch, though, is that you have to keep the fork bristles (what do they call those things anyway?) facing down the whole time. Why? Why can't I eat like a normal human being? In the weird world of fine dining, there is no "Normal".
Then after eating you have to contend with even more manners! Will the nightmare ever end? But don't worry young apprentice, your journey is almost over and now you can achieve enlightenment and become a Jedi master of the Fine dining! When you're done with your meal you have to place the utensils parallel to each other in the plate, there is the 3 and 4 o' clock, to signal that your meal is over. If you want to clean your mouth, you have to pat the napkin on your mouth, don't swipe across it like one of those uncouth cavemen who dine normally. Proceed to stand up, push your chair back, and hurriedly leave the establishment.
Congratulations, Young One! You are now a master of the fine dining!
Congratulations, Young One! You are now a master of the fine dining!
Fine dining sucks, whoever invented it was a total douche.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The 4 Weirdest Beatles Lyrics
Ahh, the Beatles. How I love their music... Considering almost half of all their songs were written on acid. This gives us some of the most mind boggling, mind-fucking lyrics of all time.
#4.) While my Guitar Gently Weeps
The Incriminating Line:
"I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps"
What's Wrong With It?:
That's one pussy of a guitar! "Oh the floor's so dirty! I think I'll cry now..." Oh come on! Be a man for once! For some reason John Lennon's guitar is traumatized by filth, or it suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
#3.) I am the Walrus
The Incriminating Line:
"Yellow matter custard
Dripping from a dead dog's eye"
What's Wrong With It?:
Oh God! I don't even want to picture this! If dead dogs start crying custard, hell would be frozen over.
Oh shit...
#2.) Maxwell's Silver Hammer
The Incriminating Line:
"Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead"
What's Wrong With It?:
In a song described by McCartney himself as a "Happy song about murder", that's pretty much the gist of the whole song right there. Maxwell Edison kills his girlfriend (or love interest), his teacher, and the judge that presided over his trial, the disturbing part is the uppity mood that the Beatles present (or Paul at least, the rest hated it).
#1.) Revolution 9
The Incriminating Line:
THE WHOLE DAMNED SONG!
What's Wrong With It?:
The real question would be "What's NOT wrong with it?". The whole song is an avant-garde piece that takes you to musical hell and back. This song is so disturbing and scary that it sounds like that song your record would play by itself in a horror movie. I've only listened to the first two minutes and I had to back out. It's guaranteed to make you go crazy after listening to the whole thing.
Don't let this happen to you!
#4.) While my Guitar Gently Weeps
The Incriminating Line:
"I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps"
What's Wrong With It?:
That's one pussy of a guitar! "Oh the floor's so dirty! I think I'll cry now..." Oh come on! Be a man for once! For some reason John Lennon's guitar is traumatized by filth, or it suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
#3.) I am the Walrus
The Incriminating Line:
"Yellow matter custard
Dripping from a dead dog's eye"
What's Wrong With It?:
Oh God! I don't even want to picture this! If dead dogs start crying custard, hell would be frozen over.
Oh shit...#2.) Maxwell's Silver Hammer
The Incriminating Line:
"Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead"
What's Wrong With It?:
In a song described by McCartney himself as a "Happy song about murder", that's pretty much the gist of the whole song right there. Maxwell Edison kills his girlfriend (or love interest), his teacher, and the judge that presided over his trial, the disturbing part is the uppity mood that the Beatles present (or Paul at least, the rest hated it).
#1.) Revolution 9
The Incriminating Line:
THE WHOLE DAMNED SONG!
What's Wrong With It?:
The real question would be "What's NOT wrong with it?". The whole song is an avant-garde piece that takes you to musical hell and back. This song is so disturbing and scary that it sounds like that song your record would play by itself in a horror movie. I've only listened to the first two minutes and I had to back out. It's guaranteed to make you go crazy after listening to the whole thing.
Don't let this happen to you!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tokyo Gore Police
Last Sunday I watched something... A low budget Japanese movie called, "Tokyo Gore Police"
All I can say is... WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?! This movie reaches into the inner sanctum of your psyche, bounds, gags, then rapes it till there's nothing left, all doing this while looking down at you with its sardonic smile... And I loved it.
"But Mark you charismatic stallion" you may be asking yourself, "how can you love a movie like this?". That is because, ignorant reader, that first, it lives up to its name, there's gonna be a gory scene every five seconds, and second, its cramped with more What-The-Fuck?! moments than any Japanese thing I've seen! That's saying a lot. Among these WTF?! moments are, a guy who rips the half top of his head to reveal his brain that has a gun! A FUCKING GUN... IN HIS BRAIN! The gun fires brain bullets, you heard that right. There's a girl who melts the person she's fighting by spraying acid from her amputated breasts... I... I don't know why. But the most WTF?! worthy moment in the movie is a guy who can fly around using the gushing blood from his amputated legs, I'm not fucking making this up. There are millions more, but watch the movie to see them, I ain't gonna be spoiling much.
See, in this movie, a new breed of humans called "engineers" have spawned, their special ability is turning any newly cut off limb into a weapon, ala "Brain Gun dude" up there. This leads to all the cinematic mindfuck that you are about to experience. In this movie, about twenty seconds in, your treated to your first gore scene, a guy who gets his head blown off, and it never goes downhill after that.
In conclusion, watch it. Just do it. And bonus points to anyone who won't say "What The Fuck?!" throughout the entire movie.
All I can say is... WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?! This movie reaches into the inner sanctum of your psyche, bounds, gags, then rapes it till there's nothing left, all doing this while looking down at you with its sardonic smile... And I loved it."But Mark you charismatic stallion" you may be asking yourself, "how can you love a movie like this?". That is because, ignorant reader, that first, it lives up to its name, there's gonna be a gory scene every five seconds, and second, its cramped with more What-The-Fuck?! moments than any Japanese thing I've seen! That's saying a lot. Among these WTF?! moments are, a guy who rips the half top of his head to reveal his brain that has a gun! A FUCKING GUN... IN HIS BRAIN! The gun fires brain bullets, you heard that right. There's a girl who melts the person she's fighting by spraying acid from her amputated breasts... I... I don't know why. But the most WTF?! worthy moment in the movie is a guy who can fly around using the gushing blood from his amputated legs, I'm not fucking making this up. There are millions more, but watch the movie to see them, I ain't gonna be spoiling much.
See, in this movie, a new breed of humans called "engineers" have spawned, their special ability is turning any newly cut off limb into a weapon, ala "Brain Gun dude" up there. This leads to all the cinematic mindfuck that you are about to experience. In this movie, about twenty seconds in, your treated to your first gore scene, a guy who gets his head blown off, and it never goes downhill after that.
In conclusion, watch it. Just do it. And bonus points to anyone who won't say "What The Fuck?!" throughout the entire movie.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Pancake House's secret meal combo
My dad and I ate at Pancake House recently and I discovered something a bit... strange
Look at the Amount Due... 666!... and forty-three cents but Six Six Six nonetheless! So remember, if you want to order the Meal from Hell Special just take a look at this.
You think Pancake House has some secret ties with the Satanist church? Hmmm, "Pancake House, home cooked meals, FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL!"
Pancake House's CEO
Look at the Amount Due... 666!... and forty-three cents but Six Six Six nonetheless! So remember, if you want to order the Meal from Hell Special just take a look at this.You think Pancake House has some secret ties with the Satanist church? Hmmm, "Pancake House, home cooked meals, FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL!"
Pancake House's CEO
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Spirit
I... I don't know why, but I feel so compelled to write a review for this movie.
The Spirit. The Critics loathed it, I loved it. Why? Because its so damned outrageous. Its a tongue-in-cheek, campy, funny, cartoonish movie. There's a certain charm when the Spirit aimlessly talks to himself, narrating his plan, it's a bit corny but that's what makes it great. Samuel L. Jackson (and his clone lackeys) stole the show with the comedy they provide throughout the movie, the Samurai Scene is by far my favorite scene. You can tell Samuel Jackson was having fun throughout the whole thing. The gritty narration is a throwback to all the old noir detective movies where they too, talk to themselves while looking at the camera.
At the time when most superhero movies are all out serious (I'm looking at you Dark Knight... insert "why so serious" joke here) This is just... fun, what superhero movies are supposed to be. Think Adam West's Batman of the 60's, this is like that. Campy, cartoonish, outrageous, and just plain funny. This is kind of like the Anti Dark Knight in a way.
Its maybe because I'm just sixteen, but I loved this movie. Its the noir and (Much to my chagrin, I have to use this word again) ourtrageous comedy that makes it great. The film is not supposed to be a comedy movie so don't expect any slapstick if that's what you were hoping.
Final Say: It's funny, cartoonish, and unusual. Watch it.
The Spirit. The Critics loathed it, I loved it. Why? Because its so damned outrageous. Its a tongue-in-cheek, campy, funny, cartoonish movie. There's a certain charm when the Spirit aimlessly talks to himself, narrating his plan, it's a bit corny but that's what makes it great. Samuel L. Jackson (and his clone lackeys) stole the show with the comedy they provide throughout the movie, the Samurai Scene is by far my favorite scene. You can tell Samuel Jackson was having fun throughout the whole thing. The gritty narration is a throwback to all the old noir detective movies where they too, talk to themselves while looking at the camera.
At the time when most superhero movies are all out serious (I'm looking at you Dark Knight... insert "why so serious" joke here) This is just... fun, what superhero movies are supposed to be. Think Adam West's Batman of the 60's, this is like that. Campy, cartoonish, outrageous, and just plain funny. This is kind of like the Anti Dark Knight in a way.
Its maybe because I'm just sixteen, but I loved this movie. Its the noir and (Much to my chagrin, I have to use this word again) ourtrageous comedy that makes it great. The film is not supposed to be a comedy movie so don't expect any slapstick if that's what you were hoping.
Final Say: It's funny, cartoonish, and unusual. Watch it.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Yet another product pitch!
Do you have schizophrenia? Do you suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder? Do you relate highly to Megadeth's "Sweating Bullets"? If you've answered yes to any of the above questions, this is the phone for you!
Yup! Your different lives now have meaning! It's a Phone for the everyman, and by everyman I mean every man living inside you.
With this phone's complex features, you can keep track of your different lives everytime! Did the John Wilkes Booth in you kill a president? With this phone's MultiTrak™ Life tracking system, you'll be able to know what they've all been doing!
I fucking hate MS Paint.
From now on, you won't be hearing voices, you'll be receiving Text Messages!
If you call and order right now, find a therapist and get some help, quickly!
Yup! Your different lives now have meaning! It's a Phone for the everyman, and by everyman I mean every man living inside you.With this phone's complex features, you can keep track of your different lives everytime! Did the John Wilkes Booth in you kill a president? With this phone's MultiTrak™ Life tracking system, you'll be able to know what they've all been doing!
I fucking hate MS Paint.
From now on, you won't be hearing voices, you'll be receiving Text Messages!
If you call and order right now, find a therapist and get some help, quickly!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
New year.
Well, it's '09. Got a new look for the blog and... other stuff.
Every year comes the inevitable question, "What will your new years resolution be?". I am sick of hearing this. I have never, nor will I ever, make a new years resolution, you know why? Because we almost never fulfill them anyway. I mean, has last years resolution of "lose more weight" and "Drink less" or even "quit smoking" ever come true? Maybe a small percent of you have but then again, maybe not. If I were to make myself a resolution, it would be "I vow to never make another new years resolution again... EVER." At this point I'll drink to my hearts content to the point where I can't even remember my name. Speaking of drunkenness in new year, do you think this is the reason people never follow through with their resolutions? I mean, most of us drink in new year and maybe we're so drunk that the next day we don't remember the resolution we made!
My point? New years resolutions suck. They serve no purpose as to make you feel bad about yourself next new year when you remembered your last promise.
Maybe my next article will be more uplifting.
Every year comes the inevitable question, "What will your new years resolution be?". I am sick of hearing this. I have never, nor will I ever, make a new years resolution, you know why? Because we almost never fulfill them anyway. I mean, has last years resolution of "lose more weight" and "Drink less" or even "quit smoking" ever come true? Maybe a small percent of you have but then again, maybe not. If I were to make myself a resolution, it would be "I vow to never make another new years resolution again... EVER." At this point I'll drink to my hearts content to the point where I can't even remember my name. Speaking of drunkenness in new year, do you think this is the reason people never follow through with their resolutions? I mean, most of us drink in new year and maybe we're so drunk that the next day we don't remember the resolution we made!
My point? New years resolutions suck. They serve no purpose as to make you feel bad about yourself next new year when you remembered your last promise.
Maybe my next article will be more uplifting.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
My first encounter with the grainy kind
Hmm, last Sunday we ate at Mexicali, and then it happened... A moment that will be etched in my mind for as long as I live... I, Mark Ramos, have, for the first time in the sixteen years I have been living on this Earth, eaten rice.
Now I can hear all of you right now, "What? What's wrong with that?" You don't get it yet, I have not eaten rice since the day I was born. Why, you ask? It's all just personal preference, but some of my college friends won't stop heckling me about it, I JUST DON'T FUCKING LIKE IT OKAY! As a Filipino, this makes me somewhat of an oddity, when almost 99.99% of Filipinos eat rice, I prefer not to. I once told my Dad, "When all Filipinos die of some freaky rice shortage, I'll be the only one left, I'll be Legend"
Made in MS Paint... Again!
Now I can hear all of you right now, "What? What's wrong with that?" You don't get it yet, I have not eaten rice since the day I was born. Why, you ask? It's all just personal preference, but some of my college friends won't stop heckling me about it, I JUST DON'T FUCKING LIKE IT OKAY! As a Filipino, this makes me somewhat of an oddity, when almost 99.99% of Filipinos eat rice, I prefer not to. I once told my Dad, "When all Filipinos die of some freaky rice shortage, I'll be the only one left, I'll be Legend"
Made in MS Paint... Again!
So yeah, this is one hell of a milestone for me, but you know what? I still hate it.
Why? I just don't get it, it's tasteless and does nothing more than just stare at you... with its cold blooded eyes.
Oh the horror...
Why? I just don't get it, it's tasteless and does nothing more than just stare at you... with its cold blooded eyes.
Oh the horror...
So I guess I'll just go through this lifetime without ever liking the evil grain, but maybe... Just maybe... Nah.
NARRATOR:
Will our hero ever eat rice? Will he fall into the evil forces of the grain? Can this blog get any stupider? Find out next time at the thrilling conclusion of... MARKED AND LOCKED ON DOT BLOGSPOT DOT COM! (never happening)
NARRATOR:
Will our hero ever eat rice? Will he fall into the evil forces of the grain? Can this blog get any stupider? Find out next time at the thrilling conclusion of... MARKED AND LOCKED ON DOT BLOGSPOT DOT COM! (never happening)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Damn you, Robert!!!
Sometimes a great read can be ruined by a horrible/sappy ending.
I recently finished Ludlum's "The Cry of the Halidon", not one of his best works but still good. Anyways, back to the topic, the book is filled with action, suspense and what you would normally expect from Ludlum. But this is not a book review!
Spoiler Warning!!!
So towards the end of the book, our hero leads his ragtag team of researchers through the forest, trying to narrowly avoid death. They set up their gameplan, each one of them will sneak up on the people sent out to kill them to what will become one very fast, not so suspensful ending.
That is not the ending I am speaking of, I am talking about this:
"They walked on the green lawn in front of the cottage that was a villa and looked out the sea. A white sheet of ocean spray burst up from the coral rock and appeared suspended, the pitch-blue waters of the carribean serving as the backdrop, not a source. The spray cascaded forward and downward and then receeded back over the crevices that formed the coral overlay. It became ocean again, at one with its source; another form of beauty.
Alison took McAuliff's hand.
They were free."
Holy Shit! Was I just reading a Judith McNaught/Danielle Steel novel? It's like Ludlum said to himself, "Damn, got all these flowery words I forgot to use. I know! I'll spend them all in this one tiny paragraph!". The supreme level of sap contained in that ending could even overtake the most sappiest of all the sappiest things ever devised! Its just so weird to see an ending like that after reading all the brutal deaths in this book. One I remember went something like, the protagonist clutches his enemy by the throat, after some body blows, he then takes a rock and smashes it in the guy's mouth and drowns him in the mud! Drowns him in the fucking mud! And then I'm treated to this ending?! Ludlum could've been less sappy when he wrote that. I just hope "The Chancellor Manuscript" has something better.
I recently finished Ludlum's "The Cry of the Halidon", not one of his best works but still good. Anyways, back to the topic, the book is filled with action, suspense and what you would normally expect from Ludlum. But this is not a book review!
Spoiler Warning!!!That is not the ending I am speaking of, I am talking about this:
"They walked on the green lawn in front of the cottage that was a villa and looked out the sea. A white sheet of ocean spray burst up from the coral rock and appeared suspended, the pitch-blue waters of the carribean serving as the backdrop, not a source. The spray cascaded forward and downward and then receeded back over the crevices that formed the coral overlay. It became ocean again, at one with its source; another form of beauty.
Alison took McAuliff's hand.
They were free."
Holy Shit! Was I just reading a Judith McNaught/Danielle Steel novel? It's like Ludlum said to himself, "Damn, got all these flowery words I forgot to use. I know! I'll spend them all in this one tiny paragraph!". The supreme level of sap contained in that ending could even overtake the most sappiest of all the sappiest things ever devised! Its just so weird to see an ending like that after reading all the brutal deaths in this book. One I remember went something like, the protagonist clutches his enemy by the throat, after some body blows, he then takes a rock and smashes it in the guy's mouth and drowns him in the mud! Drowns him in the fucking mud! And then I'm treated to this ending?! Ludlum could've been less sappy when he wrote that. I just hope "The Chancellor Manuscript" has something better.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Markel's Gift Recommendations!
It's finally December again! Only a few weeks until we rip out decorated paper, tear open stapled bags like mindless savages! That's right! It's Christmas again!
And of course every Christmas comes the question, "What should I get so-and-so for Christmas?" Well, if you're a parent, I've one hell of an offer for you!
Has your child ever exhibited the strong desire to kill animals? Is he showing the signs of a future Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, or Jeffrey Dahmer? Well now you can satisfy him without the mess and avoid any lawsuits PETA might file against you! I present to you our newest book...
DEAD ANIMALS!!! Satisfy your child's inner Jack the Ripper with all time classics such as...
Dead Cat!
But we go exotic! Featuring critters such as...
Dead Sloth!
Dead Monkey!
Yes! With DEAD ANIMALS, your child will have hours of fun while satisfying his violent fantasies! We cover every animal from Aardvark to Zebra!
If you call and order right now, you and you're child need some serious mental help! So don't pass on this incredible offer!
And of course every Christmas comes the question, "What should I get so-and-so for Christmas?" Well, if you're a parent, I've one hell of an offer for you!
Has your child ever exhibited the strong desire to kill animals? Is he showing the signs of a future Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, or Jeffrey Dahmer? Well now you can satisfy him without the mess and avoid any lawsuits PETA might file against you! I present to you our newest book...
DEAD ANIMALS!!! Satisfy your child's inner Jack the Ripper with all time classics such as...Dead dog!
Dead Cat!
But we go exotic! Featuring critters such as...
Dead Sloth!
Dead Monkey!
Yes! With DEAD ANIMALS, your child will have hours of fun while satisfying his violent fantasies! We cover every animal from Aardvark to Zebra!
If you call and order right now, you and you're child need some serious mental help! So don't pass on this incredible offer!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Aha! Part Deux!
Ah yes! I've found something else men can do but women can't! If I saw my feminist teacher again, she'll have what's coming to her!
This little nugget of inspiration came right after posting my first "Aha!" Plus I read this article.
6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science
Read it, seriously.
Anyway, the other thing men can do but women can't... (The world is about to be shaken out of it's orbit yet again!) Sleep right after having an orgasm.
Am I right men? Right after a release, don't we feel like taking a trip to never never land? (yay metallica reference...) Well, it's scientifically proven! Ladies, yet again, don't feel like your man treats sex with you like a chore, it's science working at it's finest!
This little nugget of inspiration came right after posting my first "Aha!" Plus I read this article.
6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science
Read it, seriously.
Anyway, the other thing men can do but women can't... (The world is about to be shaken out of it's orbit yet again!) Sleep right after having an orgasm.
Am I right men? Right after a release, don't we feel like taking a trip to never never land? (yay metallica reference...) Well, it's scientifically proven! Ladies, yet again, don't feel like your man treats sex with you like a chore, it's science working at it's finest!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Aha!
I once had a feminist teacher in in high school, she would always say things like, "Women can do everything men can do, even better!". So once she asked us, "Give me something men can do but women can't" one of my friends answered, "Pee standing up!" we all had a good laugh but when you think about it women can actually pee standing up.
This is where I come in, we had a seminar on sex and love at our college last Tuesday and the speaker made one damn good point. Men, next time a feminist tells you, "Women can do everything men can, and then some!" tell her that she's WRONG!!! Listen up guys, I am about t share with you a secret so profound, it could shake the entire world out of it's orbit. The one thing men can do but women can't is... Staring into blank space and thinking about absolutely nothing.
Yep, kinda like this
This is where I come in, we had a seminar on sex and love at our college last Tuesday and the speaker made one damn good point. Men, next time a feminist tells you, "Women can do everything men can, and then some!" tell her that she's WRONG!!! Listen up guys, I am about t share with you a secret so profound, it could shake the entire world out of it's orbit. The one thing men can do but women can't is... Staring into blank space and thinking about absolutely nothing.
Yep, kinda like thisWomen think about stuff 24/7 whilst men can lapse in and out of mental activity when bored/eating (that's why men rarely talk while eating). So next time ladies, when you catch your man staring at nothing and you ask him, "Hon, what are you thinking about?", if he says "Nothing" he's really telling the truth! So don't pester you're loved one with a "Sige na, what are you thinking about", men will just usually lie (because they know you won't stop interrogating them) and say the first thing that comes to their mind, "I was just thinking about you, baby".
Saturday, November 15, 2008
For a guy my age...
... I don't really act like it. You can't label me as a "teen", like my mom said, "You're sixteen going on thirty".
First of all is my taste in my music, my preference for it is that it should be older than me. I recently got into the Beatles, "I am The Walrus" is really one of my favorite songs along with "Hey Jude". Ahh, the great things one can conceive while on acid. Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, The Misfits, got them all in my mp3. I try to keep my best away from mainstream as if my life depended on it, if some new not-metal video airs, I reach for the remote as if I acted on instinct.
The games I play are also another example, I loathe Mumorpugers (MMORPGs). I only joined because my friends forced me (althrough I respect other Mumorpugers, others I just grew to hate). The TV shows I watch, I still like watching cartoons as if I was still 10, I still watch Spongebob every chance I get, I'm not really fond of anime though.
The ages I really act like are on the opposite ends of the spectrum, I can act really childlike when around people I'm close to, or act real mature when around older people, but sometimes I'm just silent.
This blog is another example, most blogs of teens you'll see will be like a public diary (I'm talking to you! You know who you are! No it's not you Iggy) chronicling the daily events of their existence on God's green Earth. I prefer to write articles, I have running jokes on this blog! My references to Uwe Boll as one example (Bonus points if you can find the others). I don't like writing about how my day at school was, I don't want to cry all over the internet if my girlfriend left me (NOTICE: I don't have a girlfrend... yet, I'm available, ladies!). I have an obsession with punctuation and capitalization. I don't write LiEk ThIs, I avoid "leetspeak" (i.e. "LOL" or "ROFL") like the plague.
What am I trying to say here, you ask?... I have no fucking clue, insomnia must be messing with me, it's 3 a.m. and I gotta...
gotta...
Zzzzzzzzzz.....
P.S. sorry for the lame ending. YOU try writng an article while fighting sleepiness.
P.P.S. I'll write a proper article soon, consider this a filler article.
First of all is my taste in my music, my preference for it is that it should be older than me. I recently got into the Beatles, "I am The Walrus" is really one of my favorite songs along with "Hey Jude". Ahh, the great things one can conceive while on acid. Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, The Misfits, got them all in my mp3. I try to keep my best away from mainstream as if my life depended on it, if some new not-metal video airs, I reach for the remote as if I acted on instinct.
The games I play are also another example, I loathe Mumorpugers (MMORPGs). I only joined because my friends forced me (althrough I respect other Mumorpugers, others I just grew to hate). The TV shows I watch, I still like watching cartoons as if I was still 10, I still watch Spongebob every chance I get, I'm not really fond of anime though.
The ages I really act like are on the opposite ends of the spectrum, I can act really childlike when around people I'm close to, or act real mature when around older people, but sometimes I'm just silent.
This blog is another example, most blogs of teens you'll see will be like a public diary (I'm talking to you! You know who you are! No it's not you Iggy) chronicling the daily events of their existence on God's green Earth. I prefer to write articles, I have running jokes on this blog! My references to Uwe Boll as one example (Bonus points if you can find the others). I don't like writing about how my day at school was, I don't want to cry all over the internet if my girlfriend left me (NOTICE: I don't have a girlfrend... yet, I'm available, ladies!). I have an obsession with punctuation and capitalization. I don't write LiEk ThIs, I avoid "leetspeak" (i.e. "LOL" or "ROFL") like the plague.
What am I trying to say here, you ask?... I have no fucking clue, insomnia must be messing with me, it's 3 a.m. and I gotta...
gotta...
Zzzzzzzzzz.....
P.S. sorry for the lame ending. YOU try writng an article while fighting sleepiness.
P.P.S. I'll write a proper article soon, consider this a filler article.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Arses!
Yargh! It's been a while since I've posted, dun worry though! I will be posting something within the month, hopefully. Maybe something car related.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Lewis Hamilton
I am an avid Formula 1 fan (as if you didn't know). I've been watching since the days of Minardi and Sauber, the Schumacher era, I think it was Mika Hakkinen's last season when I first saw F1. Anyway, this year was extremely competitive unlike the days when Schumacher had the season decided with 3 races to go, this was like last year, it went down to the very last race.
The last race in Brazil was extremely intense and went down to the wire, but there can only be one, and that was Lewis Hamilton winning the Driver's Championship by one single point. If you watched the last two laps, that was the whole race. Hamilton was down in fifth, which was fine because he would win the championship anyway, but then Vettel came from nowhere and was able to overtake Hamilton! So everyone thought that this was gonna be Massa's race, but they were wrong. When Massa crossed the line, the celebration started which would soon turn to silence and disbelief as Hamilon crossed the line... In fifth place! Winning him the championship. What happened was, in the midst of all the madness, Timo Glock was overtaken! Nobody seemed to notice, even Massa.
This season was awesome! Hamilton becomes the youngest ever Driver's Champion. I hope the season will be just as intense next year! See you in Australia '09.
The last race in Brazil was extremely intense and went down to the wire, but there can only be one, and that was Lewis Hamilton winning the Driver's Championship by one single point. If you watched the last two laps, that was the whole race. Hamilton was down in fifth, which was fine because he would win the championship anyway, but then Vettel came from nowhere and was able to overtake Hamilton! So everyone thought that this was gonna be Massa's race, but they were wrong. When Massa crossed the line, the celebration started which would soon turn to silence and disbelief as Hamilon crossed the line... In fifth place! Winning him the championship. What happened was, in the midst of all the madness, Timo Glock was overtaken! Nobody seemed to notice, even Massa.
This season was awesome! Hamilton becomes the youngest ever Driver's Champion. I hope the season will be just as intense next year! See you in Australia '09.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
"Uh, waiter...
... There's a wasp in my food" Now that's the last thing you wanna hear when you're eating, but it's what my sister experienced last week while eating at Italianni's. The fateful incident happened when my sister ordered the Ziti, at first it was fine but when she started to finish her food she spotted something... something unusual, it was a wasp cooked with the beef used in the Ziti. The only bright side to this is that we had a free lunch after finding the incriminating insect, so remember people, always bring a dead fly with you so you can get away with a free luch!
DISCLAIMER:
markedandlockedon.blogspot.com does not endorse the behavior of smuggling insects into restaurants to get free food, all views here are intended to be taken as jokes... except for Uwe Boll and Ssangyong, they suck.
Now that that's out of the way, I want to say that Italianni's used to have good food and the quality was great, but now their food seems... bland. Some of the ingredients used didn't seem as fresh, the Tiramiu was tasless and had the texture of a dishwashing sponge... eughhh. I didn't even finish it, which is a miracle because if you know me, I ALWAYS have room for dessert.
Overall though, I'm not trying to bring the restaurant down, I just want to tell them to increase food quality and possibly, remove all insects please. Who knows, if my sister had eaten that she might have become a superheroine.
... Or maybe not.
DISCLAIMER:
markedandlockedon.blogspot.com does not endorse the behavior of smuggling insects into restaurants to get free food, all views here are intended to be taken as jokes... except for Uwe Boll and Ssangyong, they suck.
Now that that's out of the way, I want to say that Italianni's used to have good food and the quality was great, but now their food seems... bland. Some of the ingredients used didn't seem as fresh, the Tiramiu was tasless and had the texture of a dishwashing sponge... eughhh. I didn't even finish it, which is a miracle because if you know me, I ALWAYS have room for dessert.
Overall though, I'm not trying to bring the restaurant down, I just want to tell them to increase food quality and possibly, remove all insects please. Who knows, if my sister had eaten that she might have become a superheroine.
... Or maybe not.
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